washing you out of my hair

and out of my mind, keeping an eye on the world from so many thousands of feet off the ground. i'm over you now, i'm at home in the clouds, towering over your head.

in my tuna

i've just lost my appetite. i found a scale in my canned tuna. hooahk! .. that was a barf noise. canned tuna is just one of the very few things i can eat. and i think i'm taking it off my list. so let's see: red apples, lime jello, fruity pebbles, strawberry yogurt, and coffee. great.

if i could control everything in the world,

i'd finally be okay.

for a moment

shitsandwich.

i don't feel too well. i want to leave. fly back home. this whole time i actually believed that I was enjoying myself, that I was happy here, that change was good. i feel really shit right now. i just... i miss you.

individuality

I might as well just be myself.

where oh where

hello! things have been a bit crazy at home, hence my month-long absence from blogger. my mum and i have been unpacking some boxes and organizing, so that it would be more efficient. i am starting to feel more at home in L.A. even though i really don't want to. but i must admit that everything is interesting. sara, ophie, sam, and michael have made my summer less of a bummer. now that school is about to start again, i'll try to blog more, but until then, consider me miles from the computer.

hi ophie

i saw these two guys the other day at the dmv. they were fit and all, but i found out that one of them was gay because he was checking perez hilton on his phone. not that all guys who read perez hilton are gay. it's just that his wallpaper was a shirtless fellow at the beach. i don't know if the other guy with him was gay, but it didn't seem like it. they could've been brothers, except they looked nothing alike. or maybe i'm just making shit assumptions rather quickly and they were simply mates. i hope that neither one of them stumbles upon my blog by some bloody miniscule chance. that would be terrible.

there's this girl at my school called opheliet, but everyone calls her ophie. her parents were into theatrics, so they combined ophelia and hamlet, thus calling her opheliet. she thinks it a shit name, but i told her to be appreciative for it, because it really could've been worse. anyway, she's one of my mates at school and she's also a rather amazing singer and dancer (that's just what happens when you have theater geeks for parents). well she reads my blog and she just wanted me to mention her in one of them. well it looks like i've sort of rambled on about her a little too much. hi ophie. sorry for embarrassing you.

i was thinking before going to bed last night, and i realized that i never really acknowledged how shockingly great my first year at an american school has been. although i was spewing up homesickness in my previous blog, i'm rather cheerful for the experience. but this doesn't mean i feel silly about the month-long depression last summer. how would you feel if you had to spend your eleventh and twelfth year in a completely new school and environment? i think that all i really mean to say is thank you to everyone who's helped me both here and back home. you've all been a nice help, coping with my physical and mental instabilities. my mum frankly thought that i would change when we reached the states, but no matter where i am, disorders and shit will always tag right along. i just hope she realizes that soon. but despite it all, i'm a tiny bit glad for once that she did the wrong thing. i would never have met ophie or the other wankers or have experienced los angeles like i have (although it's not as great as it looks in the photographs to be frank).

i miss westminster

there are many things about me that people call weird, but they're simply just unusual. like i would actually admit things that 75% of teens here in america wouldn't for their reputations' sake. but my name is cassie mikal kites and i get jealous really easily, but don't ever say so. i sometimes watch hannah montana and other disney channel shows that i never even bothered watching back in paddington. and sometimes, i like them. and sometimes, that's all i would watch for a period of time. a lot of kids at my school want to be my friend because of my accent but they don't think that i know that. so i tell them, and i like to watch them get really embarrassed, but i feel bad about it later on. i wash my hands about fifty times a day, or so it seems. sometimes, i talk to an invisible boy when no one's around just to be happy, or to practice how i want to act around a boy i fancy. but it never goes quite the same. everytime i swim in a pool, i pretend that i'm a nymphical mermaid. i don't think anyone would be able to tell though. when i was about to start at my new school here, i devised a plan to be a completely false person with a name like sloan and pretend that i was from antarctica. but i went with cassie from london.

p.s. the question i've been asked the most since i moved here was whether i preferred being called cassie or mikal. for the last time, i don't give a shit.

beautiful dreamer

stay awake, cass.

i don't want to fall asleep. but i'm getting teary-eyed and weary. it was a busy and wonderful day. i didn't get much sleep last night. wow, i just fell asleep right now for one whole minute.

have you ever felt like your life was ending? mine has. once already... or was it twice?

the best kind of dream is the one where you wake up crying. i believe that sentiments are much more powerful in dreams, because the morning after a tearful dream, you realize that you were completely overreacting. i feel like people become more interesting in the dream world. i would prefer to sleep forever (like sleeping beauty sans the prince!) just so i could live in my dreams, whether they be pleasant or not. i feel like i'm less afraid in my dreams. what if our dreams are actually meant to be reality, and reality is just a horrible, ongoing dream or a daily event that fuels our dreams/reality?

limbs

wow. i hate my fucking arms. and legs. they've always told me to always be myself, but if i were to be anyone right now, it would be irina lazareanu with her perfect limbs.

she's very interesting looking. sort of alien-like. she's one of those lucky people who get to look like aliens. i know what aliens look like. they're fascinating. wow. i need to stop saying things like that.

sprekk

there's a hideous scratching noise coming from the room above. i reckon that it's just the pipes and all being rubbish, but it's still driving me mad. what's sleep paralysis? because i think i had that last night. well, whatever it is, i don't know if i'm really alive at this moment. anyway, i'll be hitting the books in an hour probably. last night.. well actually at two this morning, i watered my little crack-a-head plant and i was alice in wonderland for about thirty-one seconds. is it natural for plants to move on their own in the dead of night? no, i don't reckon it is, so i was alice. the end. at first, i named my baby plant bubble, but then i thought that it made him sound too fragile, which he is, but i don't like to think so. his name is mister sprekk hode, which means crack head in norwegian, but i call him sprekk for short. isn't that cool? wow. i love naming things. i used to name almost every non-human thing i loved, but now i don't love too many things. i love sprekk though. he knows me.

how am i doing today? why i'm glad you asked, sir. i'm pleasant, but really angry. i thought about ripping my face off for a half-second, but thought it too painful and messy. wow. you guessed it.. still working on my will power. i want to have the strongest will power in the world. maybe stronger than wonder woman, but i don't reckon that's possible. i want to be strong enough to make clones out of myself to beat myself up when i feel like i need a beating.

i just watched angus, thongs, and perfect snogging again. aaron johnson is so charming and his voice is adorable. his character, robbie, is just the perfect example of the boy i want to have my date with on pluto.

oh and when you see someone you fancy, tell them: "jeg elsker deg" and don't tell him or her what it means because they'll actually already know.

le plan

i need to study. i feel like i'm going to explode because it's almost midnight. but i drifted into a pleasant nap this afternoon while watching the telly. i really need to stop watching tv. i know that it's messing with me, but i watch it anyway. why do i do that? fuck's sake. oh, and that too. i need to stop swearing on impulse. and i don't understand why this is my third blog entry of the day. i just need to purge all my non-studious thoughts so that there will be room for spanish notes. i need a vacation. i've never had an actual vacation before. what's it like? i reckon it's wonderful. too bad i won't be taking any soon. i'm going to get a terrible job this summer at a smoothie place or something alike. i have my mind set on a trip to paris next year and i plan on paying for it myself. fucking paris, je t'aime!

new adventure

i've reached my limit. i don't think i'll eat anymore. it's not a matter of size, weight, or appearance. i think it's a lot more than that. if i'm going to get what i want, i'll first have to see if i can give myself what i want. oh but it'll be so much fun. i'll be sure to document a little each day, yeah? wow, what a plan. i mean, i've gone a few days without eating, but i'm ready for a much larger adventure. that's what i like to think of it. an adventure. oh and i don't like being called anorexic or anything that sounds prehistoric. i'm challenging myself. i am self-challenged. wow, that makes me sound really confident or just mentally slow. either way, i like it.

space circus

wow. i delete posts like nothing. i have this theory that i'm really suffering from a personality disorder.. only that i can't really be sure because i'm not always in a right state of mind. well, that's okay. i don't know much about death (i mean, does anyone really?), but a part of me believes that nothing really happens after you die. what if you just .. die? and that's the end of it? sounds a bit pleasant, doesn't it? i don't think i'd want to be stuck in any place that isn't earth, unless it happened to be earth again and i didn't really know i was dead. yes.. i could be dead right now? well enough of that, i've been thinking of french fries and hash browns this entire week. i've been taking in lots of chocolate, but i haven't been breaking out. talk about alien skin. wow. i'd love to be an alien and not even know it. that'd be a pleasant surprise to suddenly float up to space at midnight and not need oxygen. i'd really like a friend just the same so i wouldn't get lonely. but he must be a boy, so that we could have romantic dates on pluto. wow.

there will be one week for me when all i'll do is grow and grow and just keep growing. even when i'm asleep i'll be growing inches taller and by the end of the week, i'll look like a premature troll girl. then i'd be able to wear xxl clothing and not have to cut my hair at all. but i won't turn ugly or anything. i'd be pleasant and then i'd join the circus.

right now, i'd like a spicy tuna hand roll, pad thai, big fries from johnny rockets, a garden burger, mandarin oranges from the can, a salmon hand roll, steamed mushrooms, and a nutella crepe with lots and lots of strawberries and melted chocolate chips. i can eat all of that and not gain a thing. it's like my very own superpower. now, you might think i'm a bulimic, but i've never thrown up by force in my life. i think that a hungry soul comes by my bedroom while i sleep and steals everything i've eaten. wow.

ten sentences

i'm 16 year-old cassie mikal kites. i just moved from paddington to los angeles, and one day i am going to travel the globe; as for now, i am in search of a travel mate. i watch movies religiously. just a while back, i secretly suffered from orthorexia, hypergymnasia, and manic depression; it's gotten a bit better. i am on a mission to find out why i am here. i don't like to consider myself a teenager because then that would mean i know everything. i have x-ray vision: i can see right through people. i have an uncontrollable imagination and an alter ego. i like boys. as for now, i just need a friend.

introduction

it's sleep time, but i'm too excited and i want to start blogging.

i'm mikal or cassie. i blog because i like to.

shortie but a goodie. and with that, good night.